All at See

A Pirate walks into his favourite Inn.
He hadn’t been there in a while but the Innkeeper notices him and says:
"Haven't seen ya in a while, where ya been? You look terrible!"

"Aye?" said the pirate, "What do you mean?"

"You've got a wooden leg! What happened?" said the bartender.

"Well," said the pirate, "Our ship was in a fierce sea battle, and me leg got hit by a cannon ball, but I'm fine now"

"And what about that hook? Where’s your hand gone?" asked the bartender.

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. Me hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook... but I'm fine, really"

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "A flock of birds flew over. I looked up to see what they were and got hit by their droppings. Hit me right in the eye!"

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from that"

"It was me first day with the hook"

 

Source joke various