Wise observations for a Monday

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level
   and beat you with experience
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list 
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak 
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.   
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.   
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.  
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.   
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.   
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.   
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station
11. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'   
12. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 
13. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory. 
14. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness..   
15. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.   
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.  
18. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.  
19. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.  
20. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

 

Courtesy of Peter Thomson