Showing up

“God does not ask your ability, nor your inability. God only asks your availability”

~ Mary Kay Ash
founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics

80 per cent of success is just showing up

It was  Woody Allen  who said "80 per cent of success is just showing up".

Over the years I have had many ‘almost appointments’ - appointments where a potential client wants help with their problem but as soon as it comes to booking a time, those  fearful words: “I’ll look at my diary and get back to you” are uttered and of course, I know that they won’t (Yet!)

However, they should be congratulated on taking a first step towards confronting their fear – because that is what it is and fear as Neale Donald Walshe says is

“False Evidence Appearing Real”

The tragedy is that by not  showing up wherever the things that confront you, deprives you off an experience that is no where near as scary as you may think and if I get to play with you ( FUN! When I say Play I mean play time ) we are going to have fun!

But Real joy comes when Fear turns to Fascination!

We all have Fear of some description. It is part of survival and shouldn’t be taken lightly!

However, Just  showing up in the place of fear, as opposed to confronting fear allow for easy and effortless and permanent changes to happen.

Clearly work has to be done but it is how it is done that is the most important element of all. Lets try ….

FUN!

There are common fears, such as the fear of Public Speaking, the fear of Heights, the fear of Snakes, the fear of Spiders

There are many ways to dispel fear. The most famous is the  Fast Phobia Cure which can be used to combat simple fears also.
It is painless and usually very amusing to the client – basically we re-programme how they use the information that they receive from their senses. 
There are a number of versions but generally it works like this:

Get person to imagine being in a cinema
Ask them to vividly imagine everything they can about going to the cinema – the sights, sounds, smells... is the smell of popcorn coming to you, right now? … feelings, tastes … still thinking of popcorn, by any chance?
Remember as a child, being excited about going to the cinema … can you remember one now?

(  Did you notice that question was actually a statement – a command. We are cranking up the senses. There’s good stuff to come! )

Get person to imagine taking seat in the cinema – “notice how it feels, notice the sounds and the smells and the other people” etc. etc.

( crank up the senses even more because there is great stuff to come! )

“Notice how you feel. Warm, cosy, excited … Can’t wait for the movie to start! … and just notice how safe you are! … Can’t wait for the movie to start … Bet you are feeling really excited right now!

( note the command )

”Now look at the screen and imagine your self back at the time when you were first scared of a spider”…  Right here, right now, You’re perfectly safe ….
Imagine yourself in the movie and notice how safe you are … Play the movie forwards to the end and notice how safe you were at the end of the movie … just like you were safe at the beginning … Just like you are now!”

“Now play the movie backwards, things always look funny when they run backwards, just like the old movies.
Play the movie forwards again … and backwards … and forwards … and backwards”

( I love pushing this exercise almost to the limit, repeating until I hear a laugh or a giggle or at least see a smile )

“Hold on! I’ve got some great music for our movie!”

I reach for my iPod, plug in into my speakers. Find Yakety Sax by Boots Randolph– The theme tune of The Benny Hill Show.

“Imagine floating out of your seat into the screen so you are in the movie now … Notice how safe you are”

( the commands flow quicker and more often - “You are Safe!”)

I grab my remote and issue the command “Play the movie Forwards!”
I hit play – the music starts
I hit pause – “Stop! Quick run the movie backwards!” … I hit play
I hit pause …  “Stop! Play it forwards”
I hit play … “Stop!” … I hit pause
”Backwards! Quickly!” … I hit play
”STOP!” … I hit pause
”FORWARDS! QUICKLY!” … I hit play
“Backwards” .. “forwards” .. “backwards” .. “forwards” … allowing less and less time for the movie to run. By this stage they will be running the movie at double speed if not quicker!

“NOW! Float out of the movie back to your seat and run the movie” … I play the
music …
“NOW! Backwards! Watch yourself in the movie” … “Forwards Watch yourself” …
“Backwards. Watch yourself!” ……. etc etc

“AND float out of you seat into the projectionist room” … “You are the projectionist” …
“Start the movie” … “Run it backwards Watch yourself watching yourself” … “Forwards Watch yourself watching yourself”
Watch yourself watching the movie!
”Backwards” … “Forwards” … “Watch yourself” … “backwards” … “forwards” … “Keep watching yourself!”

( By this stage I’m usually laughing, they are usually laughing and my thumb hurts! )

“Backwards” .,. “Forwards” … “NOW! Float back to your seat!”
”Play it backwards” … “forwards” … “backwards” … “forwards” etc etc …. “AND STOP!”

I kill the music … there is silence … “How do you feel?”

Whilst the whole process has gone on, every time I’ve seen a smile of heard a laugh I have touched the client on the arm or shoulder, somewhere that is not intrusive, anchoring the good feeling and at the same time laughed or made a comedic noise.

At this stage just by making the comedic noise I can usually invoke a smile or laugh at will.

The brain cannot run fear and laugh at the same time successfully  – I know the job is done when the client wants to go find a spider and that happened more than once!

So, How are you feeling now? Did you take yourself through the process?

Just show up!

your senses probably gave you some false evidence

 

images AyPeeCo and talkbackthames.tv

Sleeping on the job

What to say when caught asleep on Friday afternoons:

“I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm” source unknown  picture photobucket.com

Don’t!

From my friend Belinda Altenroxel’s Facebook Page:

Don't criticise, condemn or complain 
~ Dale Carnegie

Dale Breckenridge Carnegie

• Born Dale Breckenridge Carnagey on November 24, 1888 in Missouri
• Writer, lecturer and the developer  of courses in personal skills
• Author of the famous  How to Win Friends and Influence People

Although this book was published in 1936, it remains core to personal development today.

He believed it possible to change people's behaviour by your reaction to them.
Although he died in November  1955, he is still recognised one of the experts of personal development.

Source Wikipedia

Riotous Fun

Topical, given the UK Rioting that has occurred

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
Proverbs 22:24-25

Influence is not delivered to the conscious mind; logic may be, but influence is processed at the unconscious level and moves into conscious thinking where reason and logic become applied – and Justification.
At whatever level the rioters were influenced

Interesting then that the use of Social Media comes into the frame, seen as inciting riotous action because Social Media at every level will influence somebody.
There are sites like http://klout.com and http://peerindex.net that measure exactly that

Think on Social Media wrights and influence well

Image Daily Mail On-line

Emptying The Bath

Do you have one of those friends that tells you jokes all the time? I do and here is his latest offering.

We are both Sexagenarians (Oh I do like the sound of that ;-D  ) and he pretends that he isn’t and I need to slow down (Yeah Right!)

~During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine Whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a Teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket Because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug.

“Do you Want a bed near the window?"

image various sites including Telegraph.co.uk

I LOVE Lucy

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.
You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world”

~ Lucille Ball

 

I read this in the Alternatives News Letter.
So true! So important! Feel good about yourself and the world will feel good to you thus providing the right environment for you to succeed.resulting in things just happening the way you would probably want or even better.

Lucille Désirée Ball

I grew up watching Lucille Ball and her husband, Dezi Arnaz. The “ I Love Lucy” show burned in my memory for sure!

Lucille Ball playing “Lucy,” an ambitious  scatterbrained red head with very little talent,  getting into all sorts of scrapes and mishaps trying to acheive her numerous ambitions, appeared on TV for 23 years!

Lucille Ball - Born August 6, 1911. Died April 26, 1989.
Look her up on Wikipeida or at http://www.pics-celeb.com/2009/12/lucille-ball.html

Images from Wikipedia

Tiffin Boys Choir Tour of Australia #TiffinOz

It was my pleasure to assist Gill Broderick in promoting the Tiffin Boys Choir and helping her raise money for their tour of Australia.

At the age of 17, when I started work, Exports were the order of the day. Harold Wilson and the Labour government were stressing the importance of earning money from abroad to prop up a devalued Pound, so we should export the best!

As far as I am concerned Tiffin Boys Choir exported the best! The best of British talent!

They have been described as:
"Magnificent” by The Independent
”Outstanding” by  The Times

 

Here is an article from The Canberra Times, from their recent tour.

“Choir's memorial performance stirs echoes of past” ~ The Canberra Times: http://bit.ly/oqiVwd

Twitter Hashtag #TiffinOz

That’s a Joke!

You may have noticed that I try to vary this blog using Jokes, Articles and Quotes so that it remains Fun and Interesting or Funteresting, as I like to call it.

Sometimes finding usable jokes is difficult so I thought I will look for jokes about blogs and I came across this blog post from HCaldwell who describes themself as:

“What is there to say? I'm not very interesting. I'm not a good writer. I don't even dress well. If you insist on knowing something about me just wander through the archives. It's all there.”

Clearly a great sense of humour!

Look at this post http://hcaldwell.blogspot.com/2005/11/on-take-my-postplease.html , you will see what I mean.  I like

“What’s black and white and red all over?”
“A really ugly template.”

Which one do you find the funniest?

image from and rude jokes available at http://ronrik.wordpress.com/category/joke/

Listening Whole-istically

Following on my previous article http://aypee.wordpress.com/2011/08/05/thats-a-lie/

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it

~  Jiddu Krishnamurti

Jiddu Krishnamurti (12 May 1895 – 17 February 1986) was a writer and speaker on philosophical and spiritual issues including psychological revolution, the nature of the mind, meditation, human relationships, and bringing about positive social change

Bio and image from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jiddu_Krishnamurti

 

Quote from Sean Malarkeys Share a Quote site http://www.shareaquote.com/quote/952/So-when-you-are-listening

That’s a Lie!

NLP

is becoming more popular and there is a lot of interest being expressed in some of its techniques and practices but this being a good thing has its problems. Exactly, as some purported Social Media gurus out there who learn a little and peddle a lot, they can cause misconception.

The other day on a UK national digital radio station on a morning show the Jock, talking to his colleagues in the studio, as well as the unsuspecting listening audience said:

Yeah, if they look to the left , they’re lying!

An absolute case of a little learning becoming a dangerous thing!

Just for the record (every pun intended) and I hope of some use to you, if you are going to watch people and in particular their faces to glean what is going on with them …. Calibrate what they do!

There are generalisations that are used to explain how humans work but these are not to be used in a general way! …. Calibrate!

Look at the person you are listening to

Watch the person that you are in conversation with and notice the physiological patterns that they use repeatedly and then test them to confirm if what you glean is right.

I am not suggesting that you take the Dr. Cal Lightman approach of standing one foot from their face seemingly staring up their right nostril even if I do love that show!

Eye Accessing Cues

has also been referred to as Mind Reading.

Here is a generalised  way of explaining Eye Accessing Cues , based on looking at a typical Right Handed person:

EYES UP - If they look up they may be assembling pictures in their mind
EYES LEVEL to one side - If they look to the side they may be assembling sounds in their mind
EYES DOWN - If they look down then they may be assembling feelings in their mind or talking to themselves

The degree of how UP LEVEL or DOWN will vary on the person and the complexity or weight of the assembly … Calibrate!   Their eyes may flick slightly in a given direction or make a bold movement in that direction or something in between - we are all different.
We move in the ways that we have practiced most.

See what they do repeatedly with their eyes whilst in the conversation

Constructed versus Remembered

To make matters more complicated and this is where most of the misunderstanding occurs:
EYES UP RIGHT - if a person looks UP  to the RIGHT they may be constructing a picture
EYES LEVEL RIGHT - similarly if a person looks LEVEL  to the RIGHT they may be constructing a sound

They may be constructing. It does not mean that they are lying!

It could be that are thinking about what they may say next and trying it out in their mind first – like a dress rehearsal.

They may be lying but you must Calibrate – look at the repeating physiological patterns and test them by asking questions or making statements that presuppose an answer, for example

“I bet you always do that”
“That must be annoying”

EYES DOWN RIGHT – looking DOWN  to the RIGHT is where they may be assembling feelings: emotional, tactile, physiological 
– Try this: imagine what its like when you finger tips are frozen?  Where did your eyes go?

Generally speaking, eye movements to the left are remembered:

Eyes UP LEFT remembering a picture of what happened or what they saw
Eyes LEVEL LEFT remembering the sound of what happened or what they heard
Eyes DOWN LEFT talking to themselves

You could presuppose that a left handed person would use their brain in the opposite direction to a right handed person – be careful! They may not conform or may only conform in part. They may demonstrate a right handed person’s characteristics

Calibrate – look at the repeating physiological patterns and test them

BUT

Here is my best advice!
– Go with your gut instinct because your unconscious mind has listened and watched while you were running your conscious mind, doing the observing thing and that logical thing we do.

Be still, be quiet to allow your unconscious to guide you.

Oh, and the liar?

One of the most efficient way to test a lie is to ask the person to repeat the story backwards .. “Where did you say you were, just before that?” “What did you say a minute ago?”
The chances are that they would have constructed a story line forward in time with no memory of the events they describe, because they didn’t exist

Since they didn’t actually experience the event by taking in all the information that a real experience would have given to their senses they would find it difficult to construct the story in reverse unless they have rehearsed their story well.

Even then the lie will leak and you can detect it with practice.

NOW

wait until you get onto studying what people do with their heads yet alone the words they use! Here, we have only considered what they do with their eyes

Happy Calibrating and be careful of helpful Radio Jocks!

 

images used: Lie to Me fanpop.com
Pinocchio appears on may web sites but the original is probably from The Disney Company

Cheers!

A Really Bad Day

There was a guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes his drink and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life.
“First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office so my boss fires me.”
”When I leave the building,  I found out that my car has been  stolen. The police said that they can do nothing.”
“I get a cab to return home and when I get out I realise that I have left my wallet and credit cards in the cab. The cabbie just drives away."

"I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener.”
“I leave home, and come to this bar and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!"

Source various
image http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_a_nice_day