Systems before service

I keep toying with the idea of getting a web site where people can vote for (against) companies who put systems ahead of service.
Some have integrated  systems and service very well, but in most instances the two are considered to be the same thing.
In my experience Hostgator provide great service using a single chat window.
First Direct, the first telephone bank in the UK if not the world, provide an excellent response and there is are two fundamental reasons
…. they talk with their customers …. they don’t impose their systems on the customer
They listen to their customers and physically use their systems themselves.
I am afraid, Personal tweaks don’t do it either.
As I waited to talk to one company, I was offered  a choice of music while I waited  -  I didn’t want to listen to music and I certainly did not want to wait!!!
There was no option to not listen to the music and because I didn’t choose, they chose one for me anyway  - I didn’t want to listen to music and I DIDN’T WANT TO WAIT.
The fact I was offered music means that I was expected to wait. Otherwise there would be no need for it.
Again, I have to say in my experience, having to plough through my mobile phone service provider’s menu system takes between 2 and 3 minutes every time I have a new enquiry!

That 2-3 minutes is my time and I do not have an agreement for them to use my time.

I might buy their minutes but I don’t see any cash coming back for mine.

AND, of course, the immortal words:

”Your call is important to us”

If my call is important why don’t you answer it, then?

“we are experiencing heavy call volumes”.

The call volumes are not high, the staffing level is too low!

The proof is the amount of times that you hear that.

The words lack integrity.  If they were congruent, I should be recompensed for my time each time I have to wait. 

Again, if I am paying for the call, I might buy their minutes and I don’t see any cash coming back for mine

Having taught ‘Selling Through Service’ for one big retailer, I learnt that the younger generations have not experienced what I would call service.
I would ask “ Tell me of a time when you received great service. What was so great about it?”
Here are two memorable answers, I received:

“ I bought a pair of Jeans and they were the wrong sixe and they changed them”
“We bought a sofa. When it arrived there was a split in the material and they changed it”

We are now in a society that receive ‘Customer Service’ packaged as ‘Customer Processing’ but more importantly Service is disappearing from peoples’ experience and expectations are disappearing with it.
Companies like Hostgator and First Direct will thrive, others which are not like them, will likely be sold or traded or even fail.
For Customers, you could substitute the word People, whatever the relationship. Whether  is it a commercial or personal transaction, the lessons should remain the same. Talk with people and don’t impose your systems (beliefs or values) on them

Customer Personal Experience is everything!

Talk with people and  don’t impose your  systems on them

Read all full about it

Sunday Morning and I am scratching around trying to find GOOD news.  Personally, I have no wish to receive bad news!

Obviously, I will have to receive bad news but the news media, be it paper or electronic,  seems to be full of BAD news and it makes me wonder why?

As a coach/trainer/mentor/hypnotist, I am fully aware of the power of stories.  In point of fact the majority of my work is expressed in stories so that my clients can take from it what they need.

So Stories=YES.  BAD stories =NO

It is simple: good stories create good energy and bad stories create bad energy.

It is usually, because someone has repeatedly told themself a BAD story that they ask me to do  the work that I do.

I have heard it argued that we get the press we deserve. Clearly newspapers wouldn’t sell if the stories in them did not suit their readers. I don’t even believe that the news should be all GOOD either BUT I do believe that there should be a balance of Good and Bad.  What editors choose to put in their papers should be balanced equally between Good and Bad.

The GOOD news is out there and I get to share what I can on Social networking sites.

So, help me out here Editors. I want the world full of good energy!

Can we let this lie?

I was interested to read articles on the BBC News website,  Yahoo, and watch a BBC TV News story about diminishing Integrity, in the UK.

The Essex Centre for the Study of Integrity, at Essex University, have carried out a research and there is a PDF, available for download from their web site There is also an Integrity test that you can take and you can find this at essex.ac.uk/government/research/integrity_test.pdf

The study includes comparisons :
by Social Background,   by Occupational Status,   by Age Group,   how standards have changed between 2000 and 2011 and   measurements for 20 European Countries, from Russia the most honest to Portugal ….. naughty naughty!

     The UK seems to rank 14th … oh dear!

It seems that we are telling lies more and that the standards under which we lie are changing – I guess 

like everything else, it seems to be getting easier to do and yet more complicated to manage.

Coaching the truth

One of the principles that are vital to any form of coaching or mentoring is integrity and telling the truth is part of that. It is not only an auditory activity, it has to show up in all the other senses and be demonstrated physically – I can’t coach you to tell the truth whilst driving you to a restaurant at 50 miles per hours in a 30MPH zone! That would place me out of integrity.

     So I have to BE in integrity as well as speak in integrity.

But there is a stage before that can happen and it is not just gaining rapport. 
I would call it ‘the set up’ or even ‘the mechanics’.

     It’s agreement.

Agreeing a platform or foundation or method where you can tell the truth, even if the other person doesn’t want to hear it! 
For me establishing the fact that “there is only here and now” and that “all reasons are made up” seems to work nicely. I take away as much reason as I can so I can to establish a basis of nothing from which we can create.

So that I am in integrity, I have to tell you now, that this is based on the work of Landmark Education, who started my quest for truth and I don't mean in a traditional spiritual sense. I am not seeking truth, rather living it to the best of my ability, which means that I will slip from time to time and that’s OK.

Rapport

Yes, I would have to gain rapport before I could tell someone a truth they may not wish to hear but I can do that quickly by physically using my head  - i.e. copying their head movements as I meet and greet and then get more involved in conversation with the person I am with - I describe to this in my blog post: "The Heads up on Rapport" 

But the principle is simple:

Lies Leak!

Physically, your body will react and convey that you are telling a lie. If someone is telling us a lie, unconsciously we pick up. It bothers us and we rationally calculate whether we are being told a lie or not, even though our body seems to scream to us that we are.
I talk about this in another blog post: That’s a Lie!

You Gotta Lie Right, right?

Unfortunately, in order to recognise the truth, we have to have a measure of what that looks like, feels like, sounds like, maybe even smells like – Can you smell a rat, here?
Which means we have to know what a lie is.

Without the comparison, the truth would have no meaning or value, so as I say: “I will slip from time to time and that’s OK”.

Its OK because it reinforces what the Truth is.
Notice too that I may slip and that I am not consciously telling lies.

Children live in their imaginations where it is all made up and yet I have known children being chastised for lying when actually they were exercising their imagination. The adult interprets the child’s behaviour as lying and now the child has to live a lie in order to satisfy the adult’s perception of the truth.

I also know of one famous Golf Pro, who avidly denied that he ever sliced the ball even though he did. His failure to acknowledge the fact was an instruction to his brain not to process the that he sliced the ball and therefore removed the brain’s attraction to slice the ball.

     Our brains attract to us what we talk about in our internal dialogue.

The difference is whether the lie is conscious or unconscious and the real driver is not whether something is Good, Bad, Right or Wrong or even any combination of those, rather to follow what is intended by the agreement (or rules if they exist) and do what works.

So for me to access the truth and build on it:

• Elicit rapport
• Get agreement
• Set intention
• Be integral
• Remove reason
• Change language
• Explore unconscious
• Become conscious
• Iterate until job done

     and that’s the truth!!!

     Should you lie? No! It’s not Wrong, it just doesn’t work and it leaks!

images various sources

To be or not to be Social

I see blog post after blog post about exploiting Social Media and most are dull

Is Social Media about being Social or is it about the Media?  What is your opinion?

Loopy Tweeting Ambiguity

The problem with Tweeting is the amount of characters available to you
at 140 it is even less than a SMS (mobile phone text message)!

So, how then, can one use Tweets to be able to influence somebody?

There has been a long debate as to whether Hypnosis exists or if it is all just suggestion.

Derren Brown talks about this in his book ‘Tricks of the Mind’ although there is recent evidence which shows the existence of Hypnosis as a specific state in the brain.

In hypnosis one seeks to influence.

Using the style of Milton Erickson one can be Artfully Vague so that the subject fills in the elements as the hypnotist suggests
for example … “Now, I don’t know if you are thinking of the sky or even if there are clouds or even if the sun is high in the sky or how bright it may be….”

The Hypnotist does not actually know what the subject is thinking about.

Nevertheless, the hypnotist has suggested that the subject think of a bright sunny day. He cant make the subject think of those things but there is a good chance that the subject will.
The fact the Hypnotist goes on to describe what may be in the sky presupposes that there is a sky and the subject is thinking about it.

There are all manner of techniques to suggest tings to a subject, you only have to look a TV ads to get that!

Look at the adverts for Smokers Patches or gum where words like “… the next time you…” are used.  No presupposition or suggestion there then!

One can Analogue Mark out certain words or phrases by pausing slightly before uttering them – the subject’s unconscious mind will pick up the difference whilst their rational mind will push on making sense of the words.

Lowering the tone of voice as words are spoken can command the subject to follow
for example “As you sit there you can |relax now |…. ”
Again the unconscious picks up the commands whilst the conscious continues to make sense of the words.

It is ambiguous. One meaning is processed one way by the conscious and another meaning processed by the unconscious.

There are many techniques, these are just some.

Oh yes … I digressed!

So, how then, can one use Tweets to be able to influence somebody?

Or did I?

I opened a loop, a while ago to preoccupy  your conscious mind  and now I have just closed it.
If I wanted to, I could nest loops inside of loops. All designed to preoccupy the conscious mind, whilst I make suggestions to the unconscious mind. Actually, I stacked 2 loops together – note how Ambiguity, appearing in the blog post title was incomplete until I described how the words  |relax now | were being used.

Ever had a friend who said “We must go for a drink and catch up….” ?
They never book a time. Notice how that hangs around because it is incomplete. It is an open loop.

Now, here’s the problem.

How can you embed suggestions successfully into a 140 character tweet?

Do the Change Clearly

Many times I have heard BE the change and not DO the change.  
Whereas I agree, that all change starts with a change of BEhaviour or a change in the way we are (being), when it comes to NLP, we very much focus on what people DO.

If what they DO works, then we can learn what they DO and install that in others that can benefit from DOing things that way. Its called eliciting strategies.

I was very interested to read Pam Castillo’s take on this; how the Kinesthetic does the work.

To understand this ask any top line sportsman how they achieve their precision and following on from a visualisation ahead of the play, they will feel the action as it happens ~ they feel the ball go into the net, the arrow into the target, the shot hit the target etc.

True

by Pam Castillo

I answered the phone that morning as usual; “Clarity Institute, this is Pam. The high pitched female voice on the other end rushed through her formalities with lightening speed and garbled articulation “this is Asfansiasishisahheia Berhansiaisibdkditai (It could have been Anita Bertan or about a thousand other possibilities. I could not understand her).

Exasperated and breathy she continued at the same fast pace; “I got your name from Richard Bandler’s website, I’m an NLP trainer and yeah, so, what is the most powerful NLP tool to use?”

Silence reigned as my eyes darted from left to right back and forth once or twice, my head tilted to the side as I wondered if I heard correctly - or - had I slipped into some alternate reality? You know, that place where time and space seem to separate and nothing and everything exist simultaneously confusing.

And then with the callers same lightening speed, I quipped back with one word. “Yes.”
A simple, well crafted statement to match the caller and the silliest question I’ve think I’ve ever been asked.

Her voice now had a slower pace, a deeper tone, a skipping, hesitating articulation and just as I planned, I calibrated a confusion as she spoke next: “uh- wha, what do you mean?”

And that’s when the call turned from comical to critical.

I asked her what was important to her about knowing *the most powerful NLP tool* . She told me it was “because I have a client coming here in less than an hour and I want to use THE most powerful tool of NLP to get the change.”

Let’s be clear. NLP has never been about the tools. I’ve heard Richard [Bandler] say many times, It’s not about the tools.

Yes, the tools and techniques of NLP are powerful, everyone of them is richly powerful. What makes them powerful, is the ability to connect. To connect to the unconscious process that is happening inside someone else's neurology. To connect at such rapid speeds that you can be a step ahead or more of someone else’s thinking and your own thinking so that you can make the decision while having extrasensory timing, a timing that others have not yet discovered. That is where one knows how and where to go next in making the desired changes.

That’s the edge a well trained and confident NLP’er has. That’s the power of NLP. It’s in the ability to connect to one’s unconscious mind and that of another’s to understand the neurology of what’s taking place to create and reveal which NLP tool to use and knowing why.

This happens so fast that if feels as natural as it does to say your own name. It happens organically, and withOut planning. It happens with talent, with experience and with a solid foundation of NLP. And it happens from having that “Go First” experience of consistently walking the walk and talking the talk of using NLP - every day in every way, to become the best you, you can be, long before you start a training career.

There is something metaphysically beautiful about watching a well trained and confident NLP’er with a solid foundation of skills -skills that have been installed. NOT taught like school, but someone who actually learned NLP by experiencing NLP with the NLP learning process as Dr. Richard Bandler developed.

It’s experiential and in my opinion, does not come from books or home study programs. When you really learn something it becomes part of every fibre of your being and it’s ageless, timeless and generative.

The call referenced here is an actual call I got this month.

I get these types and similar phone calls throughout the year. Year after year. I occasionally get students that enroll in my courses who are REtraining because their foundation is academic and not kinesthetic and they can nOt DO NLP.

Now whether it’s true or not, there is something of a magical energy a lot of people sense with respect to the creative genius and co-founder of NLP, Richard Bandler. I think there’s no coincidence that so many of these “help my NLP” calls start with “I got your name from The Society of NLP”.

NLP takes practice and the more you use it the better you get. It’s nOt about learning a bunch of things about NLP to teach the bones to others, it’s nOt about the jargon, the tools or the techniques. It’s about the ability to DO NLP and consistently get the results that makes the difference with confidence.

Pam Castillo is a Licensed NLP Trainer by the Society of Neuro-Linguistic Programming – Richard Bandler. Pam founded Clarity Institute, where for more than 12 years, she maintains a private practice for NLP Changework on personal development issues, health and healing and loving relationships.
Clarity Institute offers NLP Practitioner and Master Practitioner certification courses and NLP workshops on a variety of topics in the Los Angeles area.

Read more about Pam at http://bit.ly/APClarity

It’s Time For The Right Stuff

Here is a guest post I wrote for Richard Lindesay’s blog
 http://www.richardlindesay.com/2011/10/its-time-for-right-stuff.html

TUESDAY, 4 OCTOBER 2011
by  Arthur Partridge @AyPee
http://aypee.me

I have been an NLP Practitioner since 2005 and progressed through the Society of NLP programme to Trainer in 2009 but my curiosity started in 1957.

My next door neighbour used to hold lots of dinner parties and his trick was to hypnotise one of his guests. I was 7 and I have a very vague recollection of seeing a bookpublished by Penguin books on his bookshelf. I was fascinated. He learnt how to hypnotise people from a book?

Time moved on and I became very successful in my life and my passion was Basketball: playing it, refereeing it, managing it, running committees to develop it ….. too much to do … too little time ….. and at some point I set my highest value at ‘Time’ and even, to this day, I run my ‘Time’ value programme when assessing most anything.

How was I going to fit it all in? It will just have to go on a list until the time is right.

I love the feeling as I say “It’s Time” as the feeling rises up through my body and a state of excitement  occurs when its time to do x from my list!

In 1998, I attended the Landmark Forum and went on to do their ‘Curriculum for living’.  Coming out of that with a real load off! … I offloaded meaning by the ton….
There was all this stuff that meant stuff to me and all it was was stuff!
.. I had stuffed up my life with stuff that meant stuff to me …..
Landmark have this distinction that “Life is empty and meaningless and that doesn’t mean anything” and I Got It!  ….. None of it meant anything to anybody other than me. It was my STUFF …. I STUFFED UP!

Suddenly without all that stuff and with a whole raft of distinctions around language and how I could interpret words and actions and so I went onto read (somebody else’s) stuff. 

Read?! ……  I hadn’t got time for that! Better put that on the list then with the other stuff!
I would read from the top left of a page to the bottom right on the next and think, what did I just read? and have to start again! … But NOW I was reading these great books and the 2, in particular that had me say “Wow!” to myself were: Louise L Hay’s “You can Heal Your Life” and Neale Donald Walsche’s trilogy: “Conversations with God”

There it all was! It was different to The Forum but it was the same. There was the confirmation. They were right! 

My new philosophy for living was now set and still runs to this day:

There is only here, there is only now, it doesn’t mean anything, there is nothing in this nanosecond called now, life just occurs to me … and … Its Time … because I say 

I describe this as Paradox Management and the Power of Nothing and it sits on a bed of language.

You see, Nothing is important (note the tonal ambiguity you can use pronouncing  each of those words ) and in life we constantly have to manage paradoxes – things aren't what they seem and yet are so obviously what they are.

Life all about balance not happiness!!!!!

I saw John DeMartini talk and there it was again! …and that was his stuff … he gave examples of how life is always in balance and the design of things is to break down

For example: Things are going really well at work and yet life at home is crap … or … have you ever noticed that when that extra little bit of money comes along and you get excited at the thought of what you can do with it, you  get a flat tyre …or… when somebody invites to an event that is really exciting, somebody else desperately needs your help at exactly the same time?

Stuff Up break DOWN 

It’s the way life works, it tells you when Its Time. It just occurs
The norm is for people and parents , in particular,  to say things like “Oh, well, as long as they are happy” and usually as an expectation for someone else, not themselves. I call that a death sentence!! 

Someone else’s expectation has been bestowed on you to be happy – life balances out and so the best you can achieve is to be happy 50% of the time BUT the problem now comes that you have to monitor your ‘happiness performance’ to meet the expectation. 

“Am I happy about this?” … “Do I have the right to be happy at a time like this” … and whilst all that serious ‘Happy monitoring’ is going on you can’t be happy. So, if , when you are happy, you check to see if you are happy, you have to stop being happy while you check ………. you’re STUFFed! 

The 50% each way balance will probably end up ‘40% happy : 60% not’ ratio … and then .. people get unhappy about that! (and pile on more stuff!) At this point the Stuff, being so old by now, begins to rot down, smell and life becomes crap all because someone wanted you to be happy (?!?!?!?!?!?!?!) 

Between 1998 and 2000, I doubled my salary and retired, I retired from the Basketball court in 1998 at the age of 48 – It Was Time! and there was Nothing, to stop me. I was in a Stuff free zone and the energy flowed – money is just another form of energy and there wasn’t any Stuff in its way, either. 

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions but I do do New Year’s promises. If there is no stuff, then there is no stuff to resolve. There’s nothing so I can do anything.
So in 2001 my promise was to take 1 or 2 things from my list and DO them because It’s Time and there’s nothing to stop me. I’ve always wanted to do this stuff

2001 Golf and Yoga – did yoga for 7 years! Must dust the clubs off!
2002 What was my spirituality? What did I believe about God?
2003 ….
………..2005 “What am I going to do this year?” Hypnosis! Always wanted to do that! It’s Time I went for Hypnosis and NLP occurred to me and with it the consolidation of language skills

You see, Richard said to me “I find that you are good at getting good people to know you and to talk about you ... maybe you have something to share about that?”
I just did. 

When you have control of your time with no stuff, energy flows and energy attracts ‘like energy’ and I like energy.
The finest energy in life is people energy.
Offload your crap, help them get rid of their crap, good people appear and life just occurs HAPPILY, all by itself.

The Heads up on Rapport

“So the Jock said to his unsuspecting listening audience:

Yeah, if they look to the left , they’re lying!”

That was in the blog post from 5th August and so was
“wait until you get onto studying what people do with their heads yet alone the words they use!”
and here it is. You see …

A nod’s as good as a wink

well sort of…...
Much is made of body matching to get into rapport with someone:
full body matching, half body matching, mirroring, etc. but actually it is much more simple than that!

Use your head

You don't have to sit in the same way as the person you are talking to
you don’t have to shape your body into a posture that they are using
you don’t have to follow their movements to get into rapport although it helps and sometimes there is no alternative, such as young love where you just have to mirror and match!

In "That's a Lie" we looked at what people do with their  eyes, which means we can also quickly glean what is their prime sense. Whether it is Visual or Kinaesthetic or Auditory or Gustatory/Olfactory.


It is fairly safe to assume that if a person repeatedly looks up, whilst in conversation, they are probably accessing remembered (Vr Visual remembered) or constructed images (Vc Visual constructed) and therefore, their strongest sense is probably Visual.

To gain rapport with a Visual you could start using visual words and upward eye movements also. BUT you MUST Calibrate – look at their repeating physiological patterns and test them.

What people do with sensual input is part of the way they use their Representational Systems - the systems they use to represent their reality (Sight, Sound, Touch,Smell, Taste and Self Talk)  and the sub modalities, which is how they use their senses  e.g. how bright, how sharp, how loud, etc.
Some people are “Digital”, which means that they offer very little sensual output.
Digitals don’t tend to use sensual words like “see”, “feel”, “sound” etc.
They tend to have a fixed gaze and they may appear to be “in a world of their own” (they are probably in trance).
If a Digital were to explain something in great detail, they would not notice that most of their audience falling asleep – anybody know a professor like that?
Since they offer  little sensual  output they receive little sensual engagement. If someone’s senses are not engaged, they usually go to sleep!

If you think Digitals are nerdy or offbeat, consider how someone who is sensually engaged, behaves, in particular, their language patterns.

I am high Visual so I say things like “do you SEE my point”, as if there is actually a physical sharp object floating in mid air that you can see!!!!!  Clearly illogical.
I am visually representing that I want to know that you understand.

In a conversation with a Digital, I  would get bored very quickly and start LOOKING around because I need visual stimulation quick!
The visual sense has the highest velocity (Sensual Bandwith as  David McCandless describes it in an earlier blog post ) 
I just couldn’t see the Digital’s point and I would probably end up LOOKING for Mischief

I can’t get into rapport through language or eye movement. Fortunately ….

Rapport is easy, all you need to do is use your head

Meet and Greet

as they say hello watch how they move their head

Do the same back

For example, they may flick their head up and down in a quick, small, nod and then swallow

Do the same back

They may throw their head slightly forward and tilt it downwards so that one of their eyes gets closer to you and is in slightly lower position than before. They may wink at the same time (the smooth talking Hello ladies manoeuvre )

Do the same back

Active and Passive

People use their heads in big movements or subtle movements. If they strongly agree they may nod their head strongly up and down – Active - or they may just wink once – Passive. You have to observe how they do Active and how they do Passive – Calibrate

Negative and Positive

Similarly Negative and Positive head movements are distinct like Active and Passive head movements, for example:
left to right and back again repeatedly (shaking one’s head) to represent disagreement - a negative response and upward and downwards (nodding) to represent yes – a positive response.
You have to observe how they do Negative and how they do Positive – Calibrate

Decision Making Strategies

Observe the series of head movements of people while they make decisions and you will usually find they move their heads in a particular pattern.

It may start by a look up to the right, switch to a look upwards to the left and then back again before looking down to their right, a Passive Positive movement of the head.
This pattern will usually the same for all decisions that they make but you have to observe how they do their Decision Making Strategy – Calibrate
Taking the above example, the person:

1. probably constructed a visual image (Vc they imagined how the result of the decision looks)
2. pictured a memory that relates to the decision (Vr)
3. checked that image against their constructed image (Vc)
4. asked themselves how they felt about their decision (Ai) and
5. finally nodded (Passive Positive) as they agreed with their decision

The advantage of observing someone’s decision making strategy is that you can physically make the same movement pattern if you want to influence them
i.e. hurry up or cause a decision when one needs to be made – i.e. they cause them to be in Rapport with you.

Past and Present Orientation

Similarly observe how someone uses their head whilst they relate to past events. 
Most people never actually tell you what happened. They tell you the story of what happened, which means their focus is internal and they are usually in a trance state.

They may tilt their head left, while they are speaking.
To interrupt their Past Trance subtly nod your head in the opposite direction - This is a suggestion to their unconscious that should step back into the present where you can suggest by your head movement that they need to make a decision by using Their Decision Making Strategy on them.
and there’s more ……..

image wikipedia

In a Word (and more) NOT

I was just thinking about Facebook Posts that I have read, a phone call that I made and something else that I read, in the last 24 hours

We all throw caveats into what we say (or write)

literally throw! Just like ‘Throw Away’ lines.

These lines are like Fishing Lines. We throw the line out because we are fishing for something.  Dr Phil et al, would say we are seeking a Pay Off and I think maybe a Let off is probably more frequent and possibly more accurate.

The great thing about language is it’s impact!
At whatever level, all language is a declaration of intent and that language comes out of us at such high speed. Although it has structure and logic and reasoning, most of it has to come from the unconscious thinking because it is simply too fast to be processed consciously and delivered simultaneously. Its a skill and

all skills are unconscious

You don’t think about the skilful things you do, you just do them.
Ever driven to a destination and when you got there you don’t remember driving there?
You exercised your driving skill. You didn’t think about it.

BUT the great thing about the Caveat is its negativity, because 

the unconscious cannot process negatives

That happens in your conscious thinking, not your unconscious thinking.

As an example, let’s review a typical greeting conversation:
"How are you?”
"I’m not too bad” – there’s the Caveat.

The person uses badness as the measure just in case things go wrong. They declared a expectation that because things are (based on) bad then if things go bad its ok. Its a Let Off. They can’t be disappointed if things go wrong because they were almost expecting it.

What does the unconscious process?

Because it doesn't process the negative ‘not’, it processes
"I’m not too bad”  
That person just told themself that they are too bad

So why is this useful?

Because, if the unconscious cannot process negatives and all skills are unconscious then effective use of negatives can programme us positively!

Try these:
"How are you?”
"I’m not too good” – strange how saying that you are not too good, feels good.  Have you ever noticed that?

"How are you?”
"I’m not too happy” – makes you feel happy just saying that you’re not. Have you ever noticed that?

How are you?”
"I’m not too wealthy” – notice how rich that feels.
It is a ‘Pattern Interrupt’. It’s not in the normal pattern of conversation. It  interrupts it. The brain picks out ‘not’ and ‘too’ for attention but the conversation has moved on so the abnormal not and too  hang around in the conscious waiting to be  processed.
Unconsciously you hear “I’m too wealthy”. That is an unusual thing to say and has to be processed so it can be understood. You’ve just programmed yourself because

effective suggestions are skilfully delivered to the unconscious, unconsciously

To the other party you are too wealthy and that doesn’t make sense. What does too mean? That hangs around in their mind with an association between you and wealth, whilst they try to work it out.  Since they are unlikely to have the time to think about it long enough and there are more important things to think about, it will probably stick.

The word too is too general to be given a value and so the part that they do understand is left behind – I’m wealthy

To them You are wealthy because ultimately they won’t process the rest because it’s confusing and they haven’t got time.

So, how am I today? I’m NOT having too much fun

How are you? 

images wikipedia and photobucket.com

Just Social Know

Just so you know (Just Social Know) - I love ambiguity!

It allows me to do my job and talk in the unconscious mind of my client  while their conscious mind works out which meaning to use. I can do that because I am an Expert! As it happens, a Master Neuro Linguistic Practitioner, fast becoming a Social Media Coach, amongst other things

Experts

Social Media usage grows and with it, experts arise. So what is an “Expert”?

An expert is a person or entity that is recommended by a third party to you and then you either accept the third party’s judgement and agree that the person called the “Expert” is an expert or not.

Whether they have the knowledge to back up their expertise is not part of the the initial equation. That is second tranche
When you decide they are an expert, you then open up your listening and may be your mind, to their output.

I read a lot from and get advise from lots of  Social Media experts and I am already seeing contradiction. It is inevitable and happens in every field of expertise. I wouldn’t trust any NLP Practitioner that didn’t question me!

What follows contradiction is confusion. However, installing confusion is a very useful state if you wish to influence someone. I use confusion when dealing with clients. Again, it preoccupies their conscious mind while I work on their unconscious state.

What is Social Media?

To my  mind, Social Media is whatever you agree it to be with your network. Agreement is the key and your network is who you do it with - not the expert. You, with them, are the expert on your sociability!

Lack of Agreement = Assumption

I like  Landmark Education’s thinking! I read it as Agreement first!
Even if there is no agreement, as they say “Having agreement in the face of no agreement”.  Why do I mention this? Because Lack of Agreement = Assumption

If there is lack of agreement then assumption is all that's left and as they say
“Assumption makes an ass out of you and me!”

Assumption will eventually lead to breakdown and Breakdown will lead to Breakthrough and the cycle starts again, usually leaving casualties, .i.e. people left behind or jobless and much more severe states like poverty and starvation! *

* see below for how to be supportive

So, in the conflicting views that I get about Social Media and what it is supposed to be, I have to agree my values with my fellow posters or Tweeps.

Here, I go along with Thomas Power of Ecademy and Mick Say of  Online Marketing Academy, amongst others. You have to

be Open, Random and Supportive

Open, Random and Supportive versus Closed Selective and Controlling

I recently heard Daniel Priestly speak about Social Media.
Social Media is a phenomena – it hasn’t happened before, we are in Social Revolution.

When  Wikileaks broke  the reaction of the UK Prime Minister, amongst others, was to close down his Twitter account (Closed Selective and Controlling) and not to to communicate in that way. He didn’t capitalise on the event, he shut down.

I think I understand why but what was the message? (In the face of no agreement, only assumption is left.)

If I choose, I can assume that I am not to be trusted with what he knows. That it is not for my ears and I am just not that important enough – I can make up almost any negative reason I like.
The point is there is no agreement so assumption is the only alternative.

I agree with Daniel Priestley’s view  that we are migrating from The Industrial Revolution to The Social Revolution.

Industrial to Social Revolution

The Industrial Revolution has led to Business needing controls, selecting what it outputs to protect its image or brand, having controls in place to keep its design intact, managed by systems!

At some point Customer Processing transformed into the misnomer Customer Service – Tweeps and Peeps our needs are being processed through systems not relationships. Businesses are having closed relationships with us.

Socially, never before has the individual had so much clout to change business, society, politics - you name it - so quickly!
Socially, never before has an individual had the clout to promote their cause, beliefs, values -  you name it -  so quickly!

To get an idea of the velocity, look at David McCandless’s work  - http://aypee.wordpress.com/2010/09/23/the-beauty-of-data-visualization/
He says, “Let the dataset change the Mind Set” and refers to the broadband of our senses, where Visual and Kinaesthetic input lead the charge.
Social media uses our senses and Visual and Kinaesthetic are high impact!

We are amidst a social revolution which some businesses have capitalised and most politicians have not.
Now I believe there is a danger that business will try to own Social Media and determine what it is and so will politics (Control)

The recent UK Riots has seen Politics try to restrict Social Media – Good luck with that, by the way – as if Social Media is to blame for the rioting (Closed Selective and Controlling).
The rioters that used Social Media to communicate their sad operations to others were using tools of communication – you can’t blame a hammer for the damage it may cause. It is the person that is holding the hammer that inflicts the damage and they are inflicting it with no agreement.

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No Agreement = No Clout = Assumption = Breakdown = Influence = Clout = Revolution

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With the velocity that Social Media has, there is very little point in being Closed Selective and Controlling, any more. It won’t work!

So the information super highway has evolved into the Social Super Highway and influence is the key to success. Influence can only happen through Relationships (Kinaesthetic) and Relationships function inside of community (Social Networks).

The relationships require sensual input. Taking Sensual bandwidths as the priorities for influencing me with your Social output, you need to stimulate me with :

1. Visual input
2. Kinaesthetic input
3. Auditory input
4. Gustatory Olfactory

See http://aypee.wordpress.com/2011/08/05/thats-a-lie/

It is pointless to add  control to the process!

No Agreement = No Clout = Assumption = Breakdown = Influence = Clout
= Revolution  = <<Open, Random Supportive>>

+ <<Closed Selective and Controlling>>

= No Agreement = No Clout = Assumption = Breakdown = Influence = Clout = Revolution = <Open, Random Supportive>> again

Just So You Know @AyPee says Social Media

• is whatever you agree  with your network
• needs to be Open, Random and Supportive
• is about relationships then influence
• needs to stimulate Visual, Kinaesthetic and Auditory responses in that order

and without control

• needs to be open to any response so it can learn and grow

 

That's my brand but only if you agree

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* please support the work of 

• Jackie Bigford http://www.gogvm.com/
• JustCoz.com  http://justcoz.org/operationSAFE

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images warrencass.com
aypee.wordpress.com
dailymail.co.uk
wikipedia.org

Showing up

“God does not ask your ability, nor your inability. God only asks your availability”

~ Mary Kay Ash
founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics

80 per cent of success is just showing up

It was  Woody Allen  who said "80 per cent of success is just showing up".

Over the years I have had many ‘almost appointments’ - appointments where a potential client wants help with their problem but as soon as it comes to booking a time, those  fearful words: “I’ll look at my diary and get back to you” are uttered and of course, I know that they won’t (Yet!)

However, they should be congratulated on taking a first step towards confronting their fear – because that is what it is and fear as Neale Donald Walshe says is

“False Evidence Appearing Real”

The tragedy is that by not  showing up wherever the things that confront you, deprives you off an experience that is no where near as scary as you may think and if I get to play with you ( FUN! When I say Play I mean play time ) we are going to have fun!

But Real joy comes when Fear turns to Fascination!

We all have Fear of some description. It is part of survival and shouldn’t be taken lightly!

However, Just  showing up in the place of fear, as opposed to confronting fear allow for easy and effortless and permanent changes to happen.

Clearly work has to be done but it is how it is done that is the most important element of all. Lets try ….

FUN!

There are common fears, such as the fear of Public Speaking, the fear of Heights, the fear of Snakes, the fear of Spiders

There are many ways to dispel fear. The most famous is the  Fast Phobia Cure which can be used to combat simple fears also.
It is painless and usually very amusing to the client – basically we re-programme how they use the information that they receive from their senses. 
There are a number of versions but generally it works like this:

Get person to imagine being in a cinema
Ask them to vividly imagine everything they can about going to the cinema – the sights, sounds, smells... is the smell of popcorn coming to you, right now? … feelings, tastes … still thinking of popcorn, by any chance?
Remember as a child, being excited about going to the cinema … can you remember one now?

(  Did you notice that question was actually a statement – a command. We are cranking up the senses. There’s good stuff to come! )

Get person to imagine taking seat in the cinema – “notice how it feels, notice the sounds and the smells and the other people” etc. etc.

( crank up the senses even more because there is great stuff to come! )

“Notice how you feel. Warm, cosy, excited … Can’t wait for the movie to start! … and just notice how safe you are! … Can’t wait for the movie to start … Bet you are feeling really excited right now!

( note the command )

”Now look at the screen and imagine your self back at the time when you were first scared of a spider”…  Right here, right now, You’re perfectly safe ….
Imagine yourself in the movie and notice how safe you are … Play the movie forwards to the end and notice how safe you were at the end of the movie … just like you were safe at the beginning … Just like you are now!”

“Now play the movie backwards, things always look funny when they run backwards, just like the old movies.
Play the movie forwards again … and backwards … and forwards … and backwards”

( I love pushing this exercise almost to the limit, repeating until I hear a laugh or a giggle or at least see a smile )

“Hold on! I’ve got some great music for our movie!”

I reach for my iPod, plug in into my speakers. Find Yakety Sax by Boots Randolph– The theme tune of The Benny Hill Show.

“Imagine floating out of your seat into the screen so you are in the movie now … Notice how safe you are”

( the commands flow quicker and more often - “You are Safe!”)

I grab my remote and issue the command “Play the movie Forwards!”
I hit play – the music starts
I hit pause – “Stop! Quick run the movie backwards!” … I hit play
I hit pause …  “Stop! Play it forwards”
I hit play … “Stop!” … I hit pause
”Backwards! Quickly!” … I hit play
”STOP!” … I hit pause
”FORWARDS! QUICKLY!” … I hit play
“Backwards” .. “forwards” .. “backwards” .. “forwards” … allowing less and less time for the movie to run. By this stage they will be running the movie at double speed if not quicker!

“NOW! Float out of the movie back to your seat and run the movie” … I play the
music …
“NOW! Backwards! Watch yourself in the movie” … “Forwards Watch yourself” …
“Backwards. Watch yourself!” ……. etc etc

“AND float out of you seat into the projectionist room” … “You are the projectionist” …
“Start the movie” … “Run it backwards Watch yourself watching yourself” … “Forwards Watch yourself watching yourself”
Watch yourself watching the movie!
”Backwards” … “Forwards” … “Watch yourself” … “backwards” … “forwards” … “Keep watching yourself!”

( By this stage I’m usually laughing, they are usually laughing and my thumb hurts! )

“Backwards” .,. “Forwards” … “NOW! Float back to your seat!”
”Play it backwards” … “forwards” … “backwards” … “forwards” etc etc …. “AND STOP!”

I kill the music … there is silence … “How do you feel?”

Whilst the whole process has gone on, every time I’ve seen a smile of heard a laugh I have touched the client on the arm or shoulder, somewhere that is not intrusive, anchoring the good feeling and at the same time laughed or made a comedic noise.

At this stage just by making the comedic noise I can usually invoke a smile or laugh at will.

The brain cannot run fear and laugh at the same time successfully  – I know the job is done when the client wants to go find a spider and that happened more than once!

So, How are you feeling now? Did you take yourself through the process?

Just show up!

your senses probably gave you some false evidence

 

images AyPeeCo and talkbackthames.tv

Riotous Fun

Topical, given the UK Rioting that has occurred

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.
Proverbs 22:24-25

Influence is not delivered to the conscious mind; logic may be, but influence is processed at the unconscious level and moves into conscious thinking where reason and logic become applied – and Justification.
At whatever level the rioters were influenced

Interesting then that the use of Social Media comes into the frame, seen as inciting riotous action because Social Media at every level will influence somebody.
There are sites like http://klout.com and http://peerindex.net that measure exactly that

Think on Social Media wrights and influence well

Image Daily Mail On-line

I LOVE Lucy

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.
You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world”

~ Lucille Ball

 

I read this in the Alternatives News Letter.
So true! So important! Feel good about yourself and the world will feel good to you thus providing the right environment for you to succeed.resulting in things just happening the way you would probably want or even better.

Lucille Désirée Ball

I grew up watching Lucille Ball and her husband, Dezi Arnaz. The “ I Love Lucy” show burned in my memory for sure!

Lucille Ball playing “Lucy,” an ambitious  scatterbrained red head with very little talent,  getting into all sorts of scrapes and mishaps trying to acheive her numerous ambitions, appeared on TV for 23 years!

Lucille Ball - Born August 6, 1911. Died April 26, 1989.
Look her up on Wikipeida or at http://www.pics-celeb.com/2009/12/lucille-ball.html

Images from Wikipedia

Tiffin Boys Choir Tour of Australia #TiffinOz

It was my pleasure to assist Gill Broderick in promoting the Tiffin Boys Choir and helping her raise money for their tour of Australia.

At the age of 17, when I started work, Exports were the order of the day. Harold Wilson and the Labour government were stressing the importance of earning money from abroad to prop up a devalued Pound, so we should export the best!

As far as I am concerned Tiffin Boys Choir exported the best! The best of British talent!

They have been described as:
"Magnificent” by The Independent
”Outstanding” by  The Times

 

Here is an article from The Canberra Times, from their recent tour.

“Choir's memorial performance stirs echoes of past” ~ The Canberra Times: http://bit.ly/oqiVwd

Twitter Hashtag #TiffinOz

That’s a Lie!

NLP

is becoming more popular and there is a lot of interest being expressed in some of its techniques and practices but this being a good thing has its problems. Exactly, as some purported Social Media gurus out there who learn a little and peddle a lot, they can cause misconception.

The other day on a UK national digital radio station on a morning show the Jock, talking to his colleagues in the studio, as well as the unsuspecting listening audience said:

Yeah, if they look to the left , they’re lying!

An absolute case of a little learning becoming a dangerous thing!

Just for the record (every pun intended) and I hope of some use to you, if you are going to watch people and in particular their faces to glean what is going on with them …. Calibrate what they do!

There are generalisations that are used to explain how humans work but these are not to be used in a general way! …. Calibrate!

Look at the person you are listening to

Watch the person that you are in conversation with and notice the physiological patterns that they use repeatedly and then test them to confirm if what you glean is right.

I am not suggesting that you take the Dr. Cal Lightman approach of standing one foot from their face seemingly staring up their right nostril even if I do love that show!

Eye Accessing Cues

has also been referred to as Mind Reading.

Here is a generalised  way of explaining Eye Accessing Cues , based on looking at a typical Right Handed person:

EYES UP - If they look up they may be assembling pictures in their mind
EYES LEVEL to one side - If they look to the side they may be assembling sounds in their mind
EYES DOWN - If they look down then they may be assembling feelings in their mind or talking to themselves

The degree of how UP LEVEL or DOWN will vary on the person and the complexity or weight of the assembly … Calibrate!   Their eyes may flick slightly in a given direction or make a bold movement in that direction or something in between - we are all different.
We move in the ways that we have practiced most.

See what they do repeatedly with their eyes whilst in the conversation

Constructed versus Remembered

To make matters more complicated and this is where most of the misunderstanding occurs:
EYES UP RIGHT - if a person looks UP  to the RIGHT they may be constructing a picture
EYES LEVEL RIGHT - similarly if a person looks LEVEL  to the RIGHT they may be constructing a sound

They may be constructing. It does not mean that they are lying!

It could be that are thinking about what they may say next and trying it out in their mind first – like a dress rehearsal.

They may be lying but you must Calibrate – look at the repeating physiological patterns and test them by asking questions or making statements that presuppose an answer, for example

“I bet you always do that”
“That must be annoying”

EYES DOWN RIGHT – looking DOWN  to the RIGHT is where they may be assembling feelings: emotional, tactile, physiological 
– Try this: imagine what its like when you finger tips are frozen?  Where did your eyes go?

Generally speaking, eye movements to the left are remembered:

Eyes UP LEFT remembering a picture of what happened or what they saw
Eyes LEVEL LEFT remembering the sound of what happened or what they heard
Eyes DOWN LEFT talking to themselves

You could presuppose that a left handed person would use their brain in the opposite direction to a right handed person – be careful! They may not conform or may only conform in part. They may demonstrate a right handed person’s characteristics

Calibrate – look at the repeating physiological patterns and test them

BUT

Here is my best advice!
– Go with your gut instinct because your unconscious mind has listened and watched while you were running your conscious mind, doing the observing thing and that logical thing we do.

Be still, be quiet to allow your unconscious to guide you.

Oh, and the liar?

One of the most efficient way to test a lie is to ask the person to repeat the story backwards .. “Where did you say you were, just before that?” “What did you say a minute ago?”
The chances are that they would have constructed a story line forward in time with no memory of the events they describe, because they didn’t exist

Since they didn’t actually experience the event by taking in all the information that a real experience would have given to their senses they would find it difficult to construct the story in reverse unless they have rehearsed their story well.

Even then the lie will leak and you can detect it with practice.

NOW

wait until you get onto studying what people do with their heads yet alone the words they use! Here, we have only considered what they do with their eyes

Happy Calibrating and be careful of helpful Radio Jocks!

 

images used: Lie to Me fanpop.com
Pinocchio appears on may web sites but the original is probably from The Disney Company

Bigger, Brighter, Bolder

This article is By Brian P Lewis and appears at EzineArticles.com

Its a perspective on teaching that occurred to me in the opposite way: 
when I teach I learn.

It is the change in position and perspective  from which you listen, see, smell, taste, touch and discuss with yourself.

• For starters the words flow out from you to external listeners and not inside to yourself.
• Your tonality is probably different and you need to emphasise differently so that you talk into someone else’s listening.
  
• Your body posture is active or different when you talk externally and your awareness is on both internal and external elements – Visual, Auditory, Kinaesthetic, Olfactory and even Gustatory

All in in all your senses are more actively engaged and the reality you experience is that much bigger. Therefore the experience richer!

As I have heard so many times, from Paul McKenna and many others in the NLP fraternity:  “Bigger, Brighter, Bolder”

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Have a Big, Bright and Bold day and see, hear, smell, taste and touch what you learn, because you did

The Time of Your Life

From Vicki Wusche’s Facebook page

An old man once said:
"There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and the people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living."
~ Re-post if you agree

These little gems always come when we need them. Notice that is true.

At the recent National Achievers' Congress, in London, Anthony Robbins talked about how he distanced himself from negativity and negative people.
So, I guess, what he is alluding to is wisdom.

Wisdom comes with experience: “falling down”
Experience comes with age: “the time in your life”

For me the objective has to be:

How soon can we get wise?

Being Amazed

Life is just amazing! Out of the grey clouds comes the bluest brightest sky I've ever seen, and there are only songs in my heart right now
Come and celebrate life!

~ Billy Yan Pound

 

It is not how we feel it is how we BE that creates how we feel.
Anthony Robbins tell how motion drives our eMOTION and Landmark Education tell how satisfACTION requires action

BEing in action (motion) , like my friend Billy Yan Pound, creates the emotion that he enjoys and redistributes to the world.

Be out there and enjoy!

A Hypnotic Parking Dilemma?

I was asked a question in Quora the other day – I know not why:

Why do people park right next to other cars in a parking lot when there are many other open spots available? Is it pure laziness, disrespect for proximity, a desire to be near other people, or something else?

I answered

Because their conscious thinking is limited at the time, which means their ability to respond is limited and therefore they are irrespons-Able

and then I was asked to elaborate, which I duly did.

This was a good conversation point and helped me to think through another aspect of understanding others:

• The conscious mind can only process between 5 and 9 things before confusion or stress sets in. At that stage people can go into auto pilot and stop thinking
  
• All skills are unconsciousness.


• In an unconscious state measures can distort or even disappear:
  e.g. time disappears
  e.g. functionality is impaired


• When people are parking at supermarkets their thinking is not on parking, they are usually future pacing what they need to do in the shop and possible what they need to do after
  They are not functioning in the present, they are already functioning mentally in the future.


• Whilst this is going on they may also be dealing with the kids, whilst dealing with x, whilst dealing with y, whilst dealing with z
  - the 5-9 conscious slots fill up and thinking becomes impaired and unconscious states can kick in.


• Parking in this context becomes an unconscious (non thinking ) activity and so the unconscious herding (Survival/Safe) instinct may kick in.
  So they unthinkingly park with the other cars even if there is loads of space elsewhere


• So this scenario isn’t just about parking. It can relate to any scenario where someone is not present to what they are doing because they conscious slots available to them have been filled up

 

Why is this useful?

Because when someone is not functioning consciously they enter an altered state, usually trance. A state when it is easier to make suggestions into their unconscious and in my line of business those would be beneficial suggestions to a client …

Think Outside The Box

Prompted by a facebook posting, today:

“I don't Think Outside The Box ~ I Think Like There's NO Box!”

I get the sentiment but it made me think.

I don’t know who came up with the expression and forgive if I misconstrue their intention but ….
…….we are the boxes!

This may be male thinking, particularly as the Facebook post had come from a woman.

You will see what I mean if you watch Mark Gungor’s video: Tale of Two Brains

 

Generalising:
women multitask naturally and so the possibility of a box existing is less likely, whereas men compartmentalise.
However, if we go inside and create limits for ourselves we also create the box that eventually we cannot think outside of.

If we see our experience as something bigger than ourselves then our thinking is outside of the (our) box.

Just saying